Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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