I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
