i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
from now on my penis is your penis
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize