when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
