bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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