Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
