Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
