What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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