just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
