I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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