don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
