Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize