i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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