Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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