Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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