when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just want to make out with him forever
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
