Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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