Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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