new low.... made out with someone while peeing
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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