you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
