I just threw up on my dentist
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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