Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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