I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
