I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
