dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
