Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
