i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
