I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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