I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i think i have two assholes
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize