If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have aggressive nipples.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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