I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
