New low: just hacked my moms facebook
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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