i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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