I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
