i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
