Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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