You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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