ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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