susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
