so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
