Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
