And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i will never coherently bang her
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
