I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
