It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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