you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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