haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
