I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
