I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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