she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
