I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you would pick up someone in the library
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
