That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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