I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
