I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
