I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
