you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i wish my penis had a tongue
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
