can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize