I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Someone shit on the floor
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
