I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
