My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
