She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
