Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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