please come you make the beer taste better
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
