She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
