i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
