I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
