Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Your dad touched me again.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
