I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
