i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
