Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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