Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
